How to repair a relationship

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I talked about ways to improve a relationship before, but sometimes you need to discover how to repair a relationship – things have gotten to the point in your relationship where it’s not a case of ‘tweaking’ things to improve a relationship, but rather the relationship is broken. I thought we’d look […]

I talked about ways to improve a relationship before, but sometimes you need to discover how to repair a relationship – things have gotten to the point in your relationship where it’s not a case of ‘tweaking’ things to improve a relationship, but rather the relationship is broken.

I thought we’d look first at the hurdles to overcome before you can actually start to repair a relationship, then we’ll talk about the steps to take to repair it. Make sense? Hope so, let’s crack on…

Hurdles to get past to repair a relationship

1. Ego

You need to put your ego to one side, bite the bullet, and be the one to take action and discuss with your partner how to repair things. You need to be big enough to admit that you may be at least partly to blame. Swallow your pride, because the potential prize is worth it.

2. Time Factor

To repair a relationship, we can’t let things drag on for so long that bitterness sets in, and your feelings of being ‘wronged’ become entrenched. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to fix your broken relationship.

3. Who to listen to?

Everybody will have an opinion on what you need to do. Even what I am telling you is an opinion (albeit one you should listen to!). Co-workers, family, friends – and even though some relationships are indeed broken because they are bad and need to end, you should still give more priority to those who are telling you to keep on trying to repair the relationship. There are a lot of bitter, divorced people around, and they may not have your best interests at heart when advising you to throw in the towel.

4. Buy-in on both sides

This one is fairly fundamental – if both of you aren’t committed to trying to repair a relationship, it’s just not going to work. I am sure some ‘guru’ will have some ‘tricks’ that can save your relationship even if you’re the only one who wants to, but seriously, come on – both sides need to be trying here.

Hurdles jumped…so how to now repair a relationship?

1. Admit it’s broken

Stop kidding yourselves that your relationship just needs tweaked, even if all evidence (lack of communication, zero sex life, constant arguing, not feeling like  a couple) points to the contrary. Admit you both need to repair the relationship.

2. Shoulder some blame

Other than in the case of an affair like shown in adultfrienedfinder app review, where the blame is almost completely shouldered by the transgressor, in most broken relationships, BOTH of you are to blame. Regardless of all the things you can list that your partner has done that have damaged things, you can be sure they have their own list about you. And you’re not seriously saying YOUR list is 100% valid while theirs is not, are you?

3. Patience is a virtue

Listen, if it was easy to repair a relationship, just with a click of your fingers, then life would be great. But these things take time. If you really want to repair a relationship though, you’ll need to be patient, stay focused, take small steps at a time, no ultimatums. Give your partner time and space to tell you how they feel- some of us are better communicators than others.

4. Keep on talkin’

Once you’re both through the phase of blaming and accepting blame, probably involving a few arguments, but hey, it’s a process right, it’s time to put down the weapons and start working out a solution. The Relationship Bootcamp e-course covers this in detail, but basically you’ll need to say sorry to one another, plain and simple. It’s a very basic, small thing, but will work wonders. Then discuss how you will both change behaviors from now on.

5. Forgive

Don’t stay bitter. Be a bigger person eh? We all make mistakes, and if you want to repair a relationship, this is not going to happen unless you move beyond the arguments that have led to the broken relationship.

6. Take Action, Move Forward

As I said in no. 4 above, you need to discuss how you’re both going to change behavior to keep your relationship on track. So start practising this new behavior asap.

Like I said, you can’t just start trying to repair a relationship…

and taking those 6 steps above, before you’ve actually overcome the hurdles standing in the way of reconciliation – if your ego keeps getting in the way, or you haven;t made the time to try to repair a relationship, then the steps you try to take will fail. Overcome the hurdles first, then take those 6 steps to finding how to repair a relationship, and you’ll have a much greater chance of success.

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